I think I need a new group of friends. Not that my buddies are all that intollerable, but all the little things are starting to add up. It's not that I mind them being drunk and passed out in the back of my car, actually I quite prefer it. They're quiet that way. But how hard is it to wipe the blood off of your shoes before you get into my car? I knew I was stupid to volunteer to drive.
And of course, they have to stay out till 3am because of some stupid stripper named bambi. I mean cmon, she's not even trying with that name. And it's not like I'm the only one that knows the sun comes up at 5:30. They know. They wouldn't be around if they didn't, but they don't have to worry about it now. No, tonight they have a nursemaid. Tonight there out with Tom, excuse me, Verag. What a stupid name that is.  God, how did let them convince me to join their stupid coven? I think that becoming a vampire was just about the stupidest thing I've done this year.
Maybe being a vampire wouldn't be so bad if I hung out with other vampires that knew what the hell they were doing. I mean here I am, 32 years old, hanging out with a bunch of nitwits that insist it's cool to call each other names like “Liet” and  “Darnu” because they found them when they googled vampire names. Man, if people only knew that vampires could be made from tax attourneys and car salesmen that sub-let from thier mothers, I think they'd find new subject matter for horror films. If the wanted to use something fresh they could start a whole genre of horror films on my love life as of late. 
Not that it wasn't frightning before, but you signifigantly narrow your percentage of second dates when you end most of your first dates by draining all of their lifes blood. Not to mention that in most circles that doesn't warrent a glowing recommendation to any of her friends. I was getting so frustrated with the whole process that I was starting to pounce as soon as I made one slip up. Just last week when I was picking a girl up to go to the movies I mentioned that she was a lot thinner than I thought I would get from an "Internet" date. In all fairness I thought I was being nice, because she wans't all that thin. At any rate, when she gave me that look, I realized that I was going to spend the whole night trying to recover from that bad start, so I sunk my fangs into her instead. I also treated myself to the movie with the money I found in her purse.
Which is yet another area in life that I'm kickin ass in. It does wonders to your self confidence when you have to make your date pay for your ticket. There aren't too many jobs with the description "Wanted: night worker who won't be availible in situations where overtime is needed for fear of combusting into a burning pile of flesh". I know, I've been looking. Before the lost boys turned me into Count not-so-employable I had a decent job as a software tester. But their concept of flex time wasn't quite flexible enough to accomodate my distaste for being creamated alive. Needless to say I'm between jobs.
I'm not trying to say that being a vampire doens't have it's pluses.The whole wall crawling thing can really fuck with people on drugs. And once you stop carrying change in your pockets standing upsidown on the cieling can be a real crowd pleaser at a party. I just kindof miss being able to do my own hair in front of the mirror, and having garlic bread. Oh well, I suppose I'll learn to cope. At least I don't have to worry about what to be for halloween.